Saturday, August 10, 2013

Husbands are tools

I was lounging in my chair, reading on my iPad, when my wife appeared (seemingly out of nowhere, but I'm guessing from the kitchen) to tell me she was struggling with the lid on a jar (of I don't even know what) and she asked if I could open it. Now I'm no alpha male, but I don't run when asked to open a jar (of I still don't know what) so I accepted the challenge. I struggled for a moment (or four) but then felt the lid start to loosen. I was about to crack a clever joke about married guys having superior grip strength because of all the masturb...and then it hit me, like a ton of soul crushing bricks. You think your wife has relegated you to dry dock to make your life miserable, or as punishment for not being her first choice...but you're wrong. It's actually a very practical decision she's made to ensure you develop adequate grip strength to open a jar of pickles (or whatever the fuck!), every time she asks. Husbands. We're nothing more than a tool in their fucking drawer. Not a particularly sharp one, either.

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