Saturday, July 27, 2013

My Kid is 13 and I Have a Stupid, Stupid Beard

My son, Jeffery, is 13 today. I'm 39. I'm three times as old as him. This won't happen again (I think, right?) It's a big deal (no it's not). You know what's crazy, man? If you add the two digits of his age (I'll help you. 1+3= 4) and the digits of my age (hint: it's 12), guess what? My number is still three times more. Do you have any idea what this means?!? It means I'm tired and stupid...and if you add the numbers from his birthday this year (like this: 7+2+7+1+3) and the numbers from my birthday this year (5+2+9+1+3) they both equal 20. And if you add the two twenties together you get 40, which is how old I'll be next year. You know what that means?!? That in addition to tired and stupid, I'm also old. Old, tired, and stupid. With a stupid beard and a brain that won't shut the fuck up. Happy birthday, kiddo. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I'm gonna start writing here again. Try to contain your excitement.


  1. You are NOT 3 times OLDER. You are 3 times AS OLD. A difference of 13. Common mistake.

  2. Thanks! I'm an idiot. I can't stress that enough.

  3. You know what, if you pad this out a little more to somehow include your wife's driving licence number and the number on your grandmother's baptism record, then throw in some well proven numerological evidence from Leviticus and Ezekiel, you could write a best seller about your son being the incarnate second coming of John the Baptist. You've even got the beard.

    See how much scepticism has let you down?

    1. This made me laugh pretty hard. Thanks.